[Image Id: Amanda, a white woman with dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, is sitting in a wooden chair with a higher back that is velvet green. She is wearing a black mock turtle neck top with denim jacket. Next to her is an end table holding a vase and planter holding plants. Behind her is a clock hanging on a wood paneled wall.] People-Pleasing is rooted in fear. Have you experienced putting another person's needs and wants before your own?Are your intentions for doing things for that person focused on earning love from them?Feeling the impulse to immediately respond to that person's needs, wants, and desires.The reason why we might immediately respond to that comes from a possible trauma response to keep the peace."if they're happy then I'm happy." So where does that come from? From your childhood or your life experiences. Maybe someone asked for something or support from you and you didn't give it to them and they reacted aggressively which made you respond in order to keep the peace. This becomes a habit that you do over and over again in your life. You learn how to dismiss your own needs and put importance on others' needs.So what you can do is, create a boundary for yourself. Challenge that inner habit that you have developed. How can you change the belief that others' needs are more important than yours? Challenge your trauma responses by this reframing technique: Say it with me, you can sign it out loud, write it, or draw it. Say this phrase weekly, monthly, in the morning or at night, the important thing is that you are continually reminding yourself that “People pleasing is no longer an option because I am adopting the radical belief that my ideas, thoughts and feelings matter too. You are important.”
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